[this is my life...blogger style]

well i don't know what to say. kris's latest blog has me really worried. i was worried before, but now i'm really really worried. i don't want to lose him, i don't want to see him hurt. tonight, actually yesterday and today has been so messed up. i just wish these past two days were dreams, honestly i do. i'd do so many things differently. but thats obviously not possible and whats done is done. i'm sorry for fighting with you kris, like you need me being a bitch all the time. oh well...we're not talking right now. i really wish we were. i miss him. it's only been two days. i miss him. i miss him calling me beautiful, and teasing me, and teasing him. bah...i sound dumb.
[posted on 9/16/2000 2:58:02 AM| :.

9.15.2000
well...here i am. i get on, he's on away, so i go on away to make some calls and stuff. i got suckered into running prom committee today. i don't even know if i'm going to prom, but i'm running the committee. so i booked the hall, its the same one as last year and it's really nice. so i heard. we're penciled in for now, and we'll be going to the hall next week to look at it, and give our down payment and talk about the meal and stuff. we need to put down $300 within a week. and i'm sitting here going $300?!? where am i going to get this money in a week? but, the committee last year was kind enough to leave us over $1000, which is very nice. the committee last year had a debt of over $2000 to repay first, and i would have been severely pissed off if they had done that to us. so we're going to do the same for next years committee and leave them with some money to start out with. we had our first meeting today at lunch and there seems to be a lot of people interested in it which is very cool, makes my job easier. so my 4th period spare consisted of thinking of all the possible fundraisers, and making a calendar and putting all the fundraisers where we hope to have them, and it looks like every month until june, except january has at least 1 fund raiser. january is too hectic. we come back to school the 8th from christmas holidays, and exams start like 2-3 weeks after that, which is all going to be used as exam review time, so we can't exactly take half friday's off to do some fund raiser. but i'm excited that things are working out so far. i was really hoping we'd get that hall and that it wasn't all booked up. at first the lady said she thought it was booked up, but then she's like oh no we have a hall for 350 people, are you interested? and i asked her if it was the same one they had last year and she said yes, and i've been there years before, and from what i remember, it's REALLY nice. i don't even know if i'm going to prom. by then kris will be here hopefully, and i don't know if he's going to want to be dragged to a high school prom when he's 21, ya know? so if i don't go to prom, i really honestly won't be devastated, as long as i get to spend it with him.

speaking of which...i come back i ask him how he is, tell him why i was away for so long and he leaves. which sucks cause i have to leave in a half hour for work. oh well. theres always tonight. and i'm willing to bet we won't be talking on the phone tonight since we're hardly talking on here. that'd be an awkward phone conversation. oh well. i almost forgot why we even fought. thats how stupid some of our fights are.

oh well. our year books come out in like a week or so, and today they were giving away all the pictures that were in the yearbook, and i scored one of me. its black and white though which sucks, but its ok. its of fashion show last year. and we also got our graduation proofs back, so i'll maybe scan the better looking of the two. i dunno. we'll see. i'll probably scan both. i need more recent pictures.

anyways, i think i'm gunna go eat and stuff and waste some time before i go to work since kris is at a doctor's appointment so he most likely won't be back before i leave. i'll see him when i get home i guess. i'm done for now...ciao.
[posted on 9/15/2000 3:36:59 PM| :.

i don't know why he's acting like this. bringing up last week when we almost broke up. i'm trying to change, i told him things would be different. but he brings it up. why? i don't know. he just wants to ignore any problems. we're fighting about talking about things. he wants to ignore anything and everything, never talking about anything. i want to talk about it so that it doesn't come back and cause worse things. why ignore things? thats not what a relationship is about. you're supposed to be able to talk about things. its so pointless to ignore shit. it's just going to cause you more hurt in the end. but he's stubborn. i've tried telling him this and all he wants me to do is drop it. what am i supposed to do? drop it and go on acting like everything is perfectly fine? cause we both know damn well its not. i'm so sick of fighting. i just want to talk things out, and not fight about them. pretty much impossible. ugh, i fucking hate fighting.
[posted on 9/15/2000 1:23:42 AM| :.

9.14.2000
it hasn't been the best of days. i feel like shit, i have a headache, i feel like i'm being a complete bitch, i feel like i could cry any minute, i'm jealous, and i'm a bad girlfriend.
[posted on 9/14/2000 5:04:05 PM| :.

i'm a horrible, horrible girlfriend.
[posted on 9/14/2000 4:50:34 PM| :.

blah, i hate being a girl.i really do. i mean WHY does there have to be periods? boys, i'm warning you now, if you don't like the whole period talk, skip to the next paragraph, cause i'm about to bitch and complain, hardcore. i wouldn't mind it so much, really i wouldn't. but it makes me so sick, and i'm in so much pain sometimes. i try to curl up into a ball thinkingmaybe it'll help if i get into a certain position. nope. it doesn't. it hurts to walk because it hurts to stand up straight, so i'm left walking all bent and shit. it makes me sick to my stomach. and i really should see a doctor. i don't think much of this is a regular thing for all girls. maybe i'll go see one next week. i just wanna lay in my bed and wait till its over.

so during my spare today, i went to eat, which didn't sit too well with me, considering when i came home, it went bye bye. so after that i went back to school...talked to melissa a bit. got my shit, and went over to shopper's drug mart. i hate that store. actually i love it soooo much, if i could i'd spend every last penny the world has in that store. so yea, i only spent $16 today. i was keeping it minimal. so i'm at the check out and i get totally suckered into getting a shopper's optimum card. damn those cosmetic ladies and their persuading talk. so i fill out all the paper work, get my card and get the hell outta dodge before i end up spending more money. and came home. cause i feel like shit. blahh.

so tonight i hafta go to my aunt's house cause well for a recap for all you reader's who didn't read yesterday's entry. (lol like theres readers) anyways....my aunt and uncle from las vegas are down and i must make a showing.. i really really really extremely do not want to go. i feel so sick and like shit. but i'm going to have to. they only come here like 2 or 3 times a year. probably even less than that so i've gotta go. bah, this is bullshit. i'm done for now. ciao
[posted on 9/14/2000 2:44:30 PM| :.

9.13.2000
i had to work till 8:30. which is way beyond me why they kept me that long. it was dead. deader than dead. i swear in like a half hour we had maybe 2 calls. it was dead! and i stayed there 4 and a half damn hours. my hands are pink from radishes. boo. so yea, i'm home, i've got a headache and my wisdom teeth hurt. they're really coming in now. before it was just my gums aching like a bitch, but now 2 of them are actually showing. don't get me wrong here, my gums are still aching like a bitch, but now they're like a portion of my tooth showing. ah well.

i have to go to my aunt's tomorrow for supper. my aunt and uncle from las vegas are down so we all hafta go over there for dinner and to visit. i so don't want to. and i'm definately coming home at 1:20 tomorrow...unless i've got more shit with guidance to clear up. but i'm not staying till 2:30 if thats the case. i'm getting it settled and i'm gettin the hell outta dodge.